HOW TO PROCRASTINATE LIKE AN ARTIST

Procrastination is a strange bed-mate, we want it here for a good roll but we wish it would leave in the morning. Or do we? Every artist has his own arsenal of procrastination techniques. I figured, what-the-hell, I may as well share my six favorite procrastination methods for all the young aspiring artists out there. Now, don't put off reading this, It could save you from working too damn hard.

My mornings never start off with the set goal of getting so little achieved each day, it just ends up that way. Don’t get me wrong, I keep so busy that the day passes to the point I often forget to eat lunch. Like all prizewinning procrastinators, I spend my time toiling with low priority crap and leave the important art and client jobs to gather dust. I blame my dead muse. Which brings me to ‘how to’ number one:

1- LOSE YOUR MUSE -
Nothing keeps procrastination from the art door like a muse. To call a muse a source of inspiration is an understatement, she is inspiration on meth-laced steroids with a powerful line of sparkling white cocaine thrown in for a euphoric kick. Under the spell of a muse, sleep is a waste of time and creative ideas actually come too fast - furiously fed by a need to start (and finish!) every single one with the hyper-enthusiasm of a kid on Christmas morning.
Now lose that muse. Zip - gone. The speedy high goes from a supersonic jet engine to a one-legged toddler on a tricycle. The creative drive grinds to a jarring halt. Christmas sucks. Procrastination moves in, drinks all your beer, and walks around in its underwear all day.

I currently have projects screaming at me from every corner of the room, some due in weeks - some due in days - and one I was suppose to have done tonight. But here I sit typing ‘how to throw it all away by procrastinating’ for the benefit of? who? Anybody out there? I feel like a disk-jockey at a soft-60’s-AM-rock radio station at three in the morning, sending out a weak signal that only one lone fishing shack in the middle of Alaska is tuned into. But that poor listener has no choice - the dial broke off his radio years ago and he’s stuck with either me or the sound of ice cracking under his feet. Which brings us to number two:

2 - START A BLOG -
This is an EXCELLENT procrastination tool! Tip one - keep the subject so vague no one will ever find it in the search engines. You don’t want a following! People depending on your posts will only put more pressure on you and cause you to procrastinate from writing on it. If that happens, you will be forced to do one of the projects that brought you to your blog in the first place. Tip two - If you get tired of writing vapid trite like this, you can always spend a few hours fooling with the HTML CSS coding (like I did today).

Now that I look around, I see stacks of reference pulled for new projects and stacks of reference pulled for projects so old I can’t remember who or what each stack is for. But the urge to start a new reference stack is quite strong now (then I can put-off making dinner). I also have six emails nagging me every time I turn on the computer - they are from Galleries and Art Spaces planning Christmas exhibits - all wanting a piece for their show. I think I will randomly pick an email and start gathering reference for it. That will jump us into three:

3 - MAKE ANOTHER DEADLINE YOU CAN’T POSSIBILITY MEET -
The star of all artist procrastination tools. Add more to your plate! Nothing stirs up 'procrastination passion' like more "need-to-do" crap you can never possibly get to!

Now, I have an advantage, I suffer from AvPD and that makes me fear failure and the same time expect - no, I demand I fail (I know, I know). AvPD people procrastinate as if it were a category in the world Olympics. We are beyond champions in this arena. As an AvPD artist who is stuck in his studio like a prisoner on lock-up, this next one is one of my favorite procrastination devices, but it will work beautifully for you too. I offer you number four:

4 - CHAT APPS THAT COMMUNICATE WITH OTHER COUNTRIES -
Get a smart phone and load it up with foreign ‘chat apps’ and talk to girls in EVERY Country on earth. The further the Time Zone change, the better. Now get dependent on talking to each of them everyday (and night), each at a different time. Get on their time schedule. Your own world will now be turned upside-down to such a degree, you won’t even remember you have jobs due in a few days, let alone what day it actually is!

Speaking of... Japan is calling at this moment. I could finish this list now but I rather waste my time talking to a pretty stranger through a translation app. I’ll finish this post later..... yea, hold your breath out there lone Alaskan fisherman.